Edgar Allen Poe

After finishing several Edgar Allen Poe stories I was left with a lot of unanswered questions. Why was it always about a man who would go mad? And then why did he result his madness in violence and slaughter? I knew a lot of things about Poe due to my gruesome fascination with him since the age of six but to me Poe's greatest mystery remains himself. In one story he writes of a man who looses his mind  and kills an old man with the defense that the old man's eye was haunting him, and then hides the body in the floor of the old man's home. And in another story he writes of a younger man who takes in a black cat, and in a violence rage blinds the cat in one eye. Later the man again believes the eye is haunting him and kills the cat and hides it in the basement walls. My first thought was "whats this guys deal with eyes?" and "why does he kill things and bury the bodies in houses? whats wrong with a with like not burying bodies in your house? Does he want to be haunted or something?". But then I began to see the reoccurring situations in these two stories: the eyes, the madness, the murder and then the covering of the murders. What was the significance of these things? What message was Poe trying to get across to the reader? Poe once said "I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity," was his writing his way of expresses his madness with no physical violence? Was he voicing his own life experiences through reoccurring things in his story? But if it was madness he wanted to seek out why didn't he just look into his own life. I mean he married his 12 year old first cousin when he was 24. Is that not creepy enough for him? And those weren't the only abnormal aspects in his life there were so. Many. More. In Poe's journey to make and create mysteries the greatest mystery he made was himself.

As a Girl

In our day and age people like to consider themselves so accepting, never judging when they see someone say or do something. But as a young teenage girl growing up in this world I've learned that isn't the case in most people.

As a girl I'm told that I can do anything any boy can, and that we are equals but all i can remember is every time I've gotten a shocked expression after I say or do something. As a girl I'm told that I can play sports. But if someone asks me to hang out but I have practice I'm expected to skip, and even want to skip. But if i were a boy it wouldn't even be asked of me to skip a practice because I can't bail on my team. As a girl I'm allowed to be passionate. But I also can only express that passion if I'm being nice and bossing people around. And heaven forbid I ever get mad at a boy, the only response I'll get is: "damn, are you on your on your period or something?". As a girl I'm encouraged by my female community to be a feminist, and to stand up after our long oppression, but to a men all they see is a woman whining and hating on men. As a girl I'm aloud to love whoever I want, but I should never ask out a boy because boys should always make the first move. Otherwise I would just look dumb. As a girl I don't have to shave or wear makeup, but when I get a pimple everyone will tell me to cover it up, or to pop it or will tell me about the shadows I'm getting under my eyes for playing the sport every person around me figures I suck at because I don't like basketball sneakers and don't wear Adidas sweat pants to school, and I don't like to watch men playing sports. As a girl I'm allowed to like watching sports but only because one of the players is cute or I like to look at baseball players in baseball pants. 

All these things woman are allowed to do but when they do, everyone else sees it only for the superficial reasons. I get all of these options but never for the right reasons. Now that everyone has heard what girls can do now I'll tell you what really happens. As a white girl, I have to like Starbucks. But jokes on you, because I actually hate Starbucks and the entire image it's made for itself. As a girl if there's something I don't like about myself I'm instantly insecure and hate myself, but even worse if I ever recognize something good about myself I'm conceited and selfish. As a girl on the weekends I'm supposed to love to got to Soho and shop but I actually spend my weekends reading and actually working and studying , not just shopping with the money my dad gives me. As a girl any decision I make about myself and my body and who I hang out with, can make me a slut, but little does every other person know, it's our bodies and I can do what ever I want with it without your permission or support. As a girl expected to love high-rise jeans and crop tops but if you need to know, I hate crop tops because my stomach gets cold.

Today I'm always told everything I can be' but it's up to every one to choose who I am. All everyone says is that I can say and do anything, but once I'm different I've crossed some invisible line in the sand and I have to go back.